When a team is working well but has some hiccups, typically it’s just a matter of ironing out communication roles, checking in on the goal, assessing tools/training required, and creating a plan for success. Questions like: What is typical team communication? What does the team need to achieve? What is getting in the way? What is the common agreed upon goal? What does the team see as the biggest roadblock?
If your team is one of the lucky ones… open to solution-based thinking, agreed upon goal and strategy, parking egos at the door, listening to what others have to say, waiting your turn to share, re-checking emotions and personal goals, addressing biases…well, let me tell you, this is a dream team!
However, the other 90% of the team population tends to struggle with at least a handful of issues listed above.
How does a team move past dysfunction?
It starts with assessing Leadership skills, training leaders, working to help leaders understand their team, everyone understanding their role and impact. Then move to creating trust. Trust is accomplished with active listening, addressing When communication challenges (i.e., who is the most/least vocal), addressing emotions, and affirming personal responsibility. Then collaborative goal setting, and goals that are achievable.
With some teams it’s a simple as clearing the air in a conductive manner with the aim to reach a common goal. With other teams, those more on the dysfunctional side, it takes effort to cultivate a safe and trusting environment that keep the team on an agreed upon direction.
Parking egos. Parking self-interest. Addressing Biases. Setting Goals.
A trained outsider typically helps tremendously with this process. Assessing first what the team can and cannot accomplish together. Creating an open conversation. My “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!” environment that is like a tango. The facilitator aims to clear out the gossip and grapevine (hugely toxic) but not let the team descend down the rabbit hole into the Wonderland of dysfunction!
What’s next??? Well, we listen closely to not just what is being said, but how it is being said. What is the body language in the room? What emotions are underlying? Who do are the engagers, blockers, and those keeping silent? Leadership. Not “strong” leadership, but active listening leadership without defense mechanisms (insert kick that personal agenda out).
Next, we creatively collaborate solution-based discussions. Imagine white boarding solutions. Engaging everyone. What I like to call, “come to me with the problem and the solution and let’s figure this out together” type of conversation. Emotions settle. Solutions arise. Roadblocks are overcome. Then the magic begins!
Mid January… the time year when the world slows down… resolutions start to wane… idealistic thoughts are tugs in the wee hours of the night. Are you Stuck? Not feeling like engaging? Settling in for the winter? Tucking your toes under a blanket and snuggling down? Or are you the type to push on through? Head down, chin tucked in, mission face on?
Know you are not alone.
In the Northern Hemisphere, mid January is like that morning after too much wine and laughter … enthusiastic but with limits! January….the month of “shoulds”. Or like a colleague of mine says…. “should’ng all over yourself!”
Ahhh… the ‘should’ I get to the gym? ‘Should’ I do a detox weekend? ‘Should’ I de-clutter? ‘Should’ I get those files done? ‘Should’ I reach out?
Or do you have an energetic friend who seems to have a skip to their step… even when its gray outside! Ha. We all have one! Do they bring on guilt … nervous laughter… perhaps thoughts of hidden discourse. Or do you jump on their bandwagon? Do a few things then look as your gas gauge signals your tank is on fumes?
How do you over come this??? Clear away that brain fog? Pull up your own toboggan and wiz down a hill? Skirt away that body hangover from sneaking some left over somewhat dried out holiday cookies… Tackle those reports or files you just don’t want to open???
This is where someone like me comes in… Stage left… A professional coach confidently enters the space.
We are the fog lifters. The doubt shifters. The ones who are here to guide you, even from fog that travels as fast and thick as a scene from the Hunger Games. But how does a coach do it?
How does coaching work to lift this fog?
Simple…we elucidate together (and yes, its totally ok to look up the word elucidate means).
With a coach by your side: First we decide what is most pressing and causing you to feel stuck? (And here’s a hint… its very rarely what comes first to your mind).
Then we decide what your optimal outcome would be.
Visualize it. Feel it. Speak it. Give it a name, A strategy; Map out your speed-bumps.. then decide…How will I feel when I get there?
What will it mean to You…. for you to reach your outcome?
The key is emotional waterlines. What is making you feel stuck? What do you truly want? What is getting in your way?
Then the big question: What are you giving up by being stuck?
We will create a safe space for exploration. For decision making. For thought generation. For outcomes to be germinated.
Professional coaches… well, we are fog lifters and your guide along the way.
Understanding our aging body is a tough challenge that many women face.
We notice an extra wrinkle while brushing our teeth. Our favourite jacket/shirt seems tighter around our mid-section. A single glass of wine has you waking in the middle of the night sweating… you know the routine…. throw off a blanket, then grab it a few moments later when the late night chill seeps in.
Our bodies feel alien to us.
Eating habits that once worked seem to only cause extra weight gain, while you notice a new ache first thing in the morning; Forget about that unflinching desire to rip someone’s head off because they cried at comment that seemed benign or chewed their food loudly. It all makes us wonder if we are going crazy.
Damn…our body doesn’t behave like it used to. What do I do?
First breathe. Then breathe again because that last breath probably pissed you off!
We can’t stop the change but we can learn from it. We can adapt to it.
No…. you aren’t too old to change. That’s a mantra from the 1950’s.
Change is upon you, and you are either going to roll with it or fight it, but either way, its going to happen. Understanding that a woman’s body ages in a beautiful way. Its ok to adapt to those changes, but lets work together to adapt in a way that helps you. Its ok to look at new diet regimes, to get a shot of botox if you want, to eat more, eat less, eat a bloody piece of chocolate cake. What matters is how you feel about it and what your goals are.
When I turned 50, I decided that I wanted to be a fit mom, a sexy woman (after years of ignoring my femininity), healthy, mentally happy, loved and a lover. It wasn’t something that happened overnight but it was something I worked at and continue to work at. Its a goal. Its a lifestyle. Its a choice.
What isn’t ok is to ignore that your body change is happening. No creams, potions, new diets, affirmations, or endless scrolling of the internet is going to stop these changes.
Let’s work together so you can accept the changes. Get curious. Start to understand it. Put on that wonderwoman cape and be brave. Be honest with yourself. Decide what you want to change. What makes you smile in the morning. What do you like? Is it your confidence to say no? Is it that you no longer sweat the small stuff? What is reasonable for you?
Then lets take that first step. Hold your head high and know that you will be ok. You will age. Aging is a new adventure made just for you.
Now decide what aging looks like to you…and go after it!
Do you send out emails/texts to those you lead after work hours are completed? Are you just trying to clear off those last few tasks so you can relax or sleep? When you press send do you feel rewarded with a huge sense of completion, knowing you are done and your mind will rest? We have all been in this situation at one time or another.
Have you considered how this simple task can create detrimental ripples in your team? While you may indeed feel relief, you have actually passed along your emotional football.
The emotional football folly is one of the most dynamic errors a leader can make. Consider for a moment how the person receiving the email/text will now be taking on your emotional football.
The cascade of “what do I do?” begins for the recipient. Do I stay up and answer the email/text? Will it look bad if I don’t respond? How will not responding affect my upward movement potential? What will be said around the office if I don’t respond? How will answering affect those at home who are around me? How do I prioritize my downtime now that I have received this message? Why does my boss always message/text me when I’m not at work? Do I have the information needed to answer this message? Do I send off a quick response? How do I not look foolish?
Your need to unspool, clear your work plate created someone else to gear up. You tossed The Emotional Football.
Now as an informed leader, you understand the need to manage your emotions. To choose when to involve those you lead and when to hold back. To respect the boundaries outside of the office. To respect those you lead. This is a moment when a leader needs to step up by stopping.
Instead of tossing your emotional football, consider not sending the email/text. A tough one!
How do you not throw that football?
Set up your email box to send the message the next morning (and not before 7am). Your restraint shows respect for those you lead while allowing you to feel relieved to have the task completed. It demonstrates an understanding of boundaries. By using auto messaging you will not only feel relieved to have completed your task; you will have shown respect for those you lead and they will thank you for it.
As a modern woman, I have heard repetitively that I can make choices. That a choice is just up to me. But is it really that simple? “ahh…no… it’s not that simple…”. But hold on for a moment… what if choice really is simple? What if?
Choices. …. Deep breath… stay with me here.
Choices are the things women talk about over a glass of wine with close friends. We share the head nod, the grimace, the wistful look. Then the head shake. We convince ourselves that choices are for others. We jealously see others do things we would only dream of then wonder if we could do the same. Then we talk ourselves out of it. We figure we have so much on our plate that we have no choice but to put our heads down. Do what needs to be done. There will always be time or perhaps its just for dreamers. But we if we can have a choice”.
Ask yourself…Do you really want to have the option of choice?
Well believe it or not, actually wondering if you have a choice is a choice.
Instead of deflecting to the “ahh..no I can’t” mindset very quickly. Stop. Let your mind drift to a new mindset. Why? Well, why not?
We all have choices, and when really it comes down to it, what stops us? Is it the fear of the unknown? Lack of faith in ourselves? Unsureness if we can make it through? Perfection? Fear of achievement? Fear of the cost? The common denominator is questioning one’s self-belief. When I was climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, there wasn’t a single morning that I didn’t wake up without doubt that I would make it through the day. Then each night I sat there with wonder of how I did make it. It was my mindset. I wasn’t going to let my fear stop me. Instead I harnessed it.
Ask yourselves what it costs you to rush kids from one side of the city to the other side, both children needing to be at their activity at the same time but geographically as distant as possible… you with a full bladder, last meal hours behind you and a dying cell phone… and guess what, you do it. And not only that, you are rightfully proud of yourself for accomplishing it. Now I need to ask…How is that easier then climbing a mountain? The truth is, its all about Mindset. Lets sit here for a moment. Mindset. Mindset is a choice, just one that we tend to slip into unconsciously. What if you could consciously master the ability to make choices and follow them through?
Choices are things we do have control over.
Read that line above again.
A positive mindset in place….We do have control over choices and coaching can help you stay in that powerful mindset of choice.